Just 'be'

I found these extracts today in Gold Nuggets, Readings for Experiential Education, edited by Jim Schoel and Mike Stratton. They remind me that sometimes we get too caught up in 'self' and need time out just to focus on 'being'. When you tramp into the mountains, or kayak in rivers, or swim in the sea,  you realise just how 'insignificant' you are amongst so much beauty and expansiveness and natural energy. You become completely focussed on being 'at one' with nature, and whatever concerns you may have had, no longer exist, in that moment. Perhaps if we let ourselves just live in the 'moment' nothing else would matter. Just the joy of being alive.


The Sea
Gordon Bok

The sea takes trouble from you; takes worry and fear and illusion and anger and joy and joking and plans and ambition and love from you. Takes them, scatters them, gathers them, gives them back to you not so big or important as before.

You're not anyone, really; you never were. Oh you thought you were, when your head was too small for your illusions. But illusions aren't important now; you don't have to be anything, even yourself, because yourself was only something you had to make up, and then you thought you had to carry it around with you. What a relief to lay it down and walk away and forget it. Just to be a part of what's around you is enough.

Another Land Made of Water


And this:

Alone in the Wilderness
Alan Watts

To spend a lengthy period alone in the forests or mountains, a period of coming to terms with the solitude and nonhumainty of nature is to discover, who, or what, one really is - a discovery hardly possible while the community is telling you what you are, or ought to be.

Nature, Man and Woman

And finally:


Magic in the Feel of the Paddle
Sigurd F. Olson

There is magic in the feel of a paddle and the movement of a canoe, a magic compounded of distance, adventure, solitude and peace. The way of a canoe is the way of the wilderness and of a freedom almost forgotten. It is an antidote to insecurity, the open door to waterways of ages past and a way of life with profound and abiding satisfactions. When a man is part of his canoe, he is part of all that canoes have ever known.

The Singing Wilderness

Search-light to my Soul

My words are a search-light
to my Soul,
       speaking my truth.
Some days they glow and shine;
the words are mine, yet shaped
by thoughts from others, long ago.

Some days my words glisten softly;
like pale moonlight or distant stars,
A silvery fish, darting out of shadows,
dapples of half light glinting
        upon its scales;
a flash of truth from some past memory.

Some days my words burn bright,
Exposing a sudden truth. 
I cover my eyes in pain,
take another peek - aha,
        of course
nothing at all to fear, just light.
 

I keep a steady hand,
let my search-light shine;
no need to switch it off and hide
in darkness or the shade.

Some days the words won’t come.
I shake my torch, bang it on the ground.
So frustrated.
       So disappointed.
Useless, empty thoughts expose
old wounds; that I'm not good enough. 
A lonely, void haunts me
        from within.

So then I seek your words,
your truth, your wisdom.
Love fills my heart,
rekindles that radiant spark
that threatens to glow cold.


Let our search-lights shine.
Switch them on together,
flash them round the world,
discover a collective truth.

Do not turn away in fear.

Stare in wonder and believe.

Reflections on the river bank

How lovely it would be
If somehow you and me
Connected with each other
In perfect harmony.

Our thoughts would synchronise
Without a word being said
Silence would be welcome
Our hearts would speak instead.

We would accept each other
Try not to change a thing
Happy just to be ourselves
To love, to laugh, to sing.

We'd give each other freedom
To follow our own dreams
Provide support and wisdom
Lest we unravel at the seams

Celebrate each moment
Find joy in every thing
There'd be no need for fear
In the happiness life brings.

How lovely it would be
If somehow you and me
Could share our world together
In perfect harmony.

Shadow puppets

Casting shadows ...

---

Remember creating puppet shadows on the wall when you were young? Such a lot of fun. Why be afraid of shadows as an adult ...



Shine your light upon me
Don't let ‘me’ get in the way,
Force out all my shadows
Let my fears be on display.

I long for you to shine your light
Yet resist you all the way,
Keep teasing out those shadows
Then you and me can play.

When I was a child
I would read all day and night,
Shine my torch beneath the blankets
Create shadows with the light.

It was a time of magic
Weird shapes and mystic forms,
I’d cast my light upon myself
And delight in what was 'born'.

Why now afraid of shadows
Just illusions of the mind,
Shine your light upon them
Truth and beauty you will find.

Be filled with light - not darkness
Keep that torch switched on,
Whenever you resist it
Chase those shadows right along.

They’ll slink into the corners
‘Til your light scares them away;
Keep them running, do not waver
Soon they won’t be back to stay.

 

 

Thank you Wendy James, for sharing this and giving my poem an extra dimension.

I love it.

 

A song about rainbows

We have had a number of storms since living in Tarras, Otago. Surprisingly it has rained a lot in this hot, dry part of New Zealand. It feels a bit like 'paradise' here; so many glorious mountains and lakes and rivers. I felt sure I only had to look up after some rain, and I would see a rainbow to assure me that this indeed was as close to 'heaven' as you could get!  Sadly, I haven't seen one yet, so I decided to paint my own rainbow in the sky.


 

 (Photo by Wendy James)

 

 

Painting rainbows.

 I long to paint a rainbow in the sky
A bridge to glory, perhaps a pot of gold
Release the arrow from the archer’s bow
Let the beauty of my truth unfold.

Walk upon my rainbow
Let it set you free
I gift to you the rainbow
That lives inside of me.

Thread coloured ribbon through your hair
Wear rainbow coloured clothing
Let the whole world stare
Celebrate your beauty. Do not fear.

Walk upon my rainbow
Let it set you free
Gift it to the Universe
The love that lives in me.

 Paint a coloured rainbow in the sky
A bridge to glory; your own pot of gold
Release the arrow from the Archer’s bow
And let the beauty of your truth unfold.

Walk upon God's rainbow
Hand in hand with me
Connect up all our rainbows
And let love set us free.

 

Gold Nuggets,

Readings for Experiential Education,

edited by Jim Schoel and Mike Stratton.                                                                                                             

Gold Nuggets is the title of a spiral bound book I acquired while attending an Outward Bound Course, at Anakiwa in New Zealand’s beautiful Marlborough Sounds.  Outward Bound is an adventure programme designed to bring a group of diverse individuals into the outdoors to experience activities that challenge them physically, mentally and spiritually. Tramping, sailing, kayaking, a couple of nights solo in the bush, community service, abseiling and fitness training are all components of the course. You begin as an idealistic half fit individual, and turn into a team ‘mate’ who learns one way or another, that having compassion for others is the all-important quality that gets everybody through some pretty gruelling days and nights. You learn that just when you think you can’t possibly go on, you can reach inside yourself to find that little bit more; and this is helped by the support and encouragement of other members of your ‘watch.’  The 21 day course culminates in a half marathon which everyone competes in … something I would never have dreamed of doing prior to the course, but ran successfully and felt very proud when I crossed the line to be cheered by the rest of my ‘watch’ (who somehow got there before me!)

The instructors at Outward Bound are amazing … they teach you, inspire you, and challenge you to think for yourselves. Ultimately they try and leave you alone as a group to work things out together and so be responsible for your own successes and sometimes failures. Fortunately they don’t allow you to remain for ever on a sodden mountain range, if for some inexplicable reason, when it is your turn to lead the way with the compass and map, you somehow manage to get lost!

Anyway, ‘Gold Nuggets’ is a collection of stories, sayings, proverbs, songs and so on, that instructors often pull out to add to the experience of an activity … something maybe philosophical that your group can reflect upon and learn something beyond the actual experience itself … how it applies to life. The editors of the publication, encourage the reader to ‘collect your own gold nuggets,’ ones that have particular meaning for you.  Here is one from the book, I would like to share with you.

 

What Are the Qualities of life?

What are the qualities of Life?

 It can be shared forever, but cannot be kept forever.

 When given to another, it brings great joy to all; when taken, the anguish for many is great.

It is sometimes maintained by less than the thread of a string and sometimes lost despite the hope of millions.

Its frailty and end are obvious but its strength and limits endless.

So share your life with me while we are together so we can create that which will bring joy to others.

When this life is over, let the meaning of our lives be found not on a list of accomplishments, but in the hearts and souls of the people with whom we shared our fragile existence.

Let our lives not be measured so much by what we did for others, but by what we helped people do for themselves.

Mike Gass

Magic Moments

Have you had a moment when out of the blue, you suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of well being … a warm tingling glow that washes through you and you feel invincible; you feel how wonderful it is to be alive; that you were meant to be who you are, at this very moment in time – you know that you have a purpose; that you are loved. Then it disappears, and you look around and think what on earth was that about?  But the memory remains with you for a time and nothing seems a problem for just a little while.  It has been many years since I have felt that.

 Strangely it has happened twice when I have been surrounded by school work, or planning lessons and just when I’ve felt the ‘hopelessness’ of it all (based on a feeling of inadequacy and fear of not being ‘quite good enough’ as a teacher), suddenly this wonderful feeling has come over me.  The lessons were planned easily after that! Perhaps it was the 'universe' saying … “don’t give up ... you are doing the very best you can, at this time in your life.” A wee lift in spirits when there is no one else to turn to … from deep inside yourself comes that bit of encouragement and love.

(more thoughts ...)

Magic moments. It is a bit like when you fall in love. The world is your oyster ... you feel you can do anything with this feeling of unconditonal love charging all your senses. Everything becomes sharper and more beautiful ... colours are so much brighter. Every lyric on the radio seems to sing and speak to you.  It reminds me of when I discovered I needed glasses ... I had no idea that what I was seeing, was not what others could see. Until I put on my new glasses. It was like magic. The sense of wonder those lenses brought to my vision - I could see faces across the street. I could read the small print on signs.  It brought life back into focus.  Perhaps that is what unconditional love does for you ... it opens your eyes to a little bit of magic, that you hadn't realised existed. Even the 'ordinary' things of life can be seen in a different light, if you are willing to look.

 I read a poem by Joy Cowley the other day.  She is one of my favourite writers for children here in New Zealand. I hadn’t discovered her poetry until now, and this one was in an anthology of spiritual poems by New Zealanders, “Spirit in a Strange Land: a selection of New Zealand spiritual verse,” edited by Paul Morris, Harry Ricketts & Mike Grimshaw.

 JOY COWLEY

Nativity

Look now! It is happening again! Love like a high spring
tide is swelling to fullness and overflowing the banksof our small concerns.

And here again is the star, that white flame of truth blazing
the way for us through a desert of tired ways.

Once more comes the music, angel song that lifts
our hearts and tunes our ears to the harmony of the universe,making us wonder how we ever could have forgotten.

And now the magi within us gathers up gifts of goldand myrrh, while that other part of ourselves, the impulsive,reckless shepherd, runs helter skelter with armsoutstretched to embrace the wonder of it all.

We have no words to contain our praise. We ache withawe, we tremble with miracle, as once again, in the smallrough stable of our lives, Christ is born.


I love this poem also which so beautifully expresses those 'magic moments.'

Dora Hagmeyer
Ecstasy


To-day I could move mountains with my joy!
Could drink the golden liquid of the sun
Or stride the sky, or wilder means employ
To shout to heaven my gladness as I run.
I am stretched out to endless space and time,
There is no distance where I cannot be;
The stars behind the starry fields sublime
Are but the marrow and the flesh of me.
There is no measure made for me to-day -
 A universe has opened in my soul!
I feel me not a part of worlds at play
But strangely and convincingly the whole.
Who knows but some bright shaft fro God's hand given
Has split my mind and poured it full of heaven?

Bereft.

I have lost count of the times I have moved house with my family.  About 14 times in 15 years. Each time you leave a house, you leave memories behind ... and often a sock or two!  We spent two years in our last house ... and I worry about the starlings that get trapped in the fire box ... who will let them out? But the mice will have a field day, scurrying around in peace. No doubt they will find a few crumbs left under the stove - it is fixed to the wall and can't be moved! That's my excuse anyway!

Echoes of childish squabbles are
all that remain in the corners of
the empty house.

Dust laughs upon the window sills.
All else has gone.  No trace of life.
Just an abandoned torso – Lego man
with all his headless charm!
A mouse scuttles along the kitchen floor
stops, whiskers quivering, eyes alert.

 But there is nothing left to fear.

Crumbs of history jostle between cracked tiles

smudged handprints crawl up painted walls
carefully calibrated marks of age adorn the
door frame; celebrating life’s milestones
a leaking tap drips to its own watery tune.

 All that's left to measure time.

Starlings scrabble down the flue
desperate to escape the fire box
before suffocating  in a bed of ash.
Spiders spin their silvery webs
a silken trap for half-drunk flies.
the rest, feet up, from deadly fumes.

 There’s no one left to care.

Do not despair.  New souls will one day

fill your emptiness with joy.
Eager footsteps will trample through your rooms
discovering treasures in your deepest cupboards
lego man will spring to life once more –
re-connected with the bits that make him whole.

Shed no more tears upon those empty panes of glass.
 

 

No greater sacrifice

I wrote this poem a while ago. It is very personal to me and I was originally reluctant to share it, but I was glad I did. Many of my friends could relate to it, and that is what it is all about to me.  Sharing, understanding, connecting.  The loss you feel with a miscarriage is enormous and something you carry around with your forever, deep inside. I think there can be no greater loss, than a child. No matter how long you have had them in your life, inside or outside the womb.  That very first, intimate connection with another life - is simply miraculous. A gift from god.  After reading this, a friend of mine said, that she too had experienced a miscarriage, but she looked upon it as a friend who had 'dropped in for a cup of tea' to help prepare her for what was to come in the future. A lovely, comforting way of thinking about it.

I grieved for you today
my little lost one
your memory still remains
a deep, deep ache inside me

The day you were conceived
I was filled with peace and joy
somehow I knew you had arrived
connected to my soul.

I hugged you inside
dared not whisper a word
I had to keep you safe
cherish you; do you no harm.

for twelve wonderful weeks,
you grew inside me
became part of me

then I lost you
felt you tug away

and my heart began to bleed.

I couldn’t protect you

no matter how hard
I wished it wasn’t true
still
I lost you.

I grieved for you
tried to fill the void
with an ocean of tears

you were my first creation
in partnership with God.

But you left me
I don’t know why

I wonder about you
often
who you might have been
what you might have looked like
your personality, your dreams.

I'd like to think that maybe
somewhere on earth
you have been reborn.

Will we know each other
if we meet again?
after all
our souls are connected
your heart once beat
alongside mine 
my blood once ran through your veins.

My heart still aches with sadness
how I wish
I could have held your hand

One thing is certain,
I will always love you
and one day
I might understand.

 
Amanda Edwards (c) 2013

Porpoise Bay

My family and I went to the beach on Boxing Day and had a fabulous time boogie boarding in the waves.  When you ride the crest of a way, it feels like you are flying, for just a second, until you crash back into the sea! You can't help but laugh and feel the absolute joy of living for the 'moment,' leaving all concerns behind.  A friend of mine once said, "every day should be a beach day," which is quite a challenge to live up to ... how to stay riding high on the crest of a wave ... and even when you inevitably fall back down to earth, still find the 'joy' of a beach day, in the ordinary stuff of life. My day at the beach also reminded me of a wonderful place on the southern east coast of New Zealand's South Island ... Curio Bay and Porpoise Bay, side by side, where the dolphins come and play with you in the surf! I wrote a poem about it that I would love to share with you.




I love to swim at Porpoise Bay,
where Hector’s Dolphins come to play.
You see them dashing, dancing, diving,
they’re here for fun, they’re here to stay.

They seem so close, and yet so far,
five, six, seven ... sometimes more.
Laughing, chattering, playing tag,
such frolicking fun, such scallywags!

They ride the rolling waves to shore,
then back they swim to ride some more.
So graceful, gleeful, carefree play,
I want to swim with them all day.

Then suddenly from far away,
they hear a call. As one they turn
and off they go amidst sea spray,
without a backward glance my way.

Come back I cry, you can’t leave me!
I kick and splutter, swallow the sea.
My useless legs, no fins, no tail,
I flounder around like a stranded whale.

Sadly I swim my way to shore,
until my feet touch the sea floor,
I struggle up on to the beach,
so out of breath, I’ve lost all speech.

I scan the seascape desperate to see,
my playmates, diving wild and free.
And hope they’ll come again one day,
to swim with me at Porpoise Bay.


Amanda Edwards (c) 2012